123 Magic

This is a review of a DVD i watched that is also a book.

The man who wrote the book has a system of discipline where you give the kid 3 counts and then send them to timeout. The counts are given for "stop behaviors". These include screaming, whining, arguing, tantruming, etc. You should not give them counts if you ask them to do something and they don't do it, that is a "start behavior".  His two rules for using the three counts are that you don't talk to your children and you don't get emotional. You say, "That's one (5seconds) thats two (5seconds) that's three go to timeout" and then you usher if needed the child to timeout. Do not say anything or get emotional about it. Children are in timeout for one minute per year old they are. If the offense is severe (swearing, hitting, breaking an item) then you add five minutes to their normal time. He suggests the no talking because parents do a talk, persuade, argue, yell, hit routine with children and this was created to stop that. he suggests not getting emotional because then your children fear you or receive a "reward" in making you upset. he said that children feel inferior and like to see how they can make effect on the world around them. This is why they like to throw rocks in a pond, they get a big splash. He suggests that a yelling father or stressed out mother is a splash. If you talk to your children it creates a reason to fight you back. As children get older they will try to reason their way out of it. Start the timer once the child is in timeout and not tantruming (if applicable). If they leave timeout before the time is out, start over.

He suggested that adults have a "little adult" view of children and expect them to listen to reason and remember that when they got in trouble for doing an activity they will remember to not do it again. He stated, "The role of a caregiver of children should be titled Wild Animal Trainer". Children do not listen to reason at a young age, they listen to their own splash. 

When children test and manipulate you they are trying to get their way through emotional pressure. This is where many parents of today give in. Keep your cool and don't give in. Give them counts for badgering you, physically acting out, or threatening you.

My thoughts while watching this were at first as if a giant load was being lifted off my shoulder. If all i have to do is say, "that's one, that's two, etc" then i would lose a lot of persuading and stress. Disciplining is very taxing when you have a smart and determined child. I felt i could use this method and feel good about my mothering at the end of the day. I sat my 3 year old down and told him we would be starting this method and showed him his timeout spot, a carpet by the front door away from any distractions. It worked! Most times i only have to get to 1 and he stops the behavior immediatly. There are occasions when he has decided he is going to do the behavior and doesn't fully understand the reason why it can't be done. Or he just feels like stretching his lungs out. Where the feelings and emotions are real and I don't want to teach him to not have them, the method of their release does need to be taught as unacceptable. Once he realizes that having a tantrum about the fact that i peeled the banana and he wanted to is unacceptable, then I teach him that he can use his words and talk to me. I forgot a key thing in this 123 magic method is that when the kid comes back from timeout you DON'T TALK ABOUT IT. You move on with what you were doing. For most kids they have already forgotten what happened and have moved on/ forgiven you for committing the heinous crime of peeling open a banana for them. I like this part of the method. I would always try and explain to my child and ask, "why were you in timeout?" And i would get frustrated that he would seriously give me a confused look like that was so years ago.

One issue i take or question i ask is, what is the point of a timeout? If it is to make the child feel "bad" for what they did, then I will say my 3 year old never feels remorse for more than 20 seconds. Is it to remove the child from freedom and entertainment? Then i will say my 3 year old finds entertainment in 10 seconds with anything he can get his hands on (clothes included). Is it to give them time to reflect on what just happend? Then i would say my 3 year old does not have the mental ability to reflect. I assume that the purpose of the timeout is so the child sees that if they behave in a way, the parent takes control. It is a type of punishment that is not beating them, yelling at them, taking away a prized item of theirs, etc. It is a "if you do this, there is a consequence". To that i say, ok.

So it is working for me. The timer is started over several times until my 3 year old finally just lays down on the carpet. And as i said i usually only have to say "that's one". I have developed my own counting method to get my children to do "start behaviors". My husband gets sick when he sees parents count to three to get their children to do something and then never follow through. So we have adopted the countdown method. We say "you can put your dishes in the table or i will in 5..4..3..2..1" and then we do it. With a boy who is growing independent this is a gold mine. He wants to do everything by himself and melts down if you do something (the peeled banana). And we are sure to follow through and do it if we get to one so he knows we mean business. I am all for teaching your kids and explaining things to them so they understand, but i think i will expect them to listen and understand when they are older, like 8 or something.

Happy

This is not a book but a documentary on Netflix or Amazon. It is called "Happy" and it documents people from around the world and interviews psychiatrists and psychologists on what makes people happy. I loved it!  It was very enlightening. A couple of highlights:

*aerobic exercise increases your dopamine and is equivalent to "shooting up with drugs". Dopamine is your happy juice that tells your brain that you are happy.

*the minute after birth the first thing you do is nurse. You have no idea who your mother is but you trust her to provide your first and essential need in life. Your mother, in turn, also has no idea who you are but sacrifices to give you your most essential need in life. So we are compassionate and loving people.

*The five things that were common among their findings of happy people were 1)playing 2)doing something meaningful 3)having new experiences 4) friends and families 5)appreciating things.

A must see!

The A.D.D. Nutrition Solution

I got this book to assist in my education of A.D.D. as we are concerned Daniel is showing signs. I really enjoyed reading this book and found it enlightening and insightful. I made sure to take her points and theories with a grain of salt and not get too "carried away" by them. I wanted to make my own decisions about what I believed and would adopt as my own. For instance, she insists on switching soy milk for cow milk for various reasons and I personally believe in drinking real milk and have familial issues with soy. She also suggests taking several supplements and that is too many pills to swallow for me :)

She begins the book by discussing what A.D.D. is, how it presents itself in children and adults, and how it is dealt with by doctors and families. She explains the symptoms of the two types (my lucky husband has both) and details what is normal child behavior and what is A.D.D. This was good for me in helping to determine if my child was presenting signs of A.D.D. In discussing the current treatments of A.D.D. and AD/HD she points out their flaws. One of which is that parents and teachers alike think of drugs as miracle pills and they don't have to make any modifications to their lifestyle or teaching methods. Convenient.

She discusses the make up of the ADD brain and the things that make it different from a non ADD brain. This was fascinating! When you eat sugar, your body produces insulin to distribute the sugar evenly to your body. The brain is the last to get its share and in non ADD brains there are two hormones that allow the insulin to calm down and give the brain the sugar it needs. In the ADD brain these two hormones are deficient and the brain does not get its needed sugar. Therefore, the ADD child becomes hyper active or risk taking to get those hormones working properly to allow the sugar in. Very interesting.

After defining true ADD and AD/HD, she gives her nutritional solution to stop aggravation of the symptoms or keeping them in control. She discusses artificial sweeteners and what they do to your body. She discusses carbohydrates, fats, fatty acids, etc. Her main points of what you need to eat are:

*Stay away from additives as much as possible (she explains what they do to the brain functions)
*Eat proteins for breakfast
*Eat foods in season to maximize their nutrients (tomatoes in season (summer) are deep red because they contain lycopene which protect the skin from UV light, tomatoes red out of season are injected with additives)
*Avoid sugar as much as poosible, try honey molasses or fruit sweetner
*Eat proteins as they are essential for brain cell communication and ADD people have poor protein digesting capabilities.
*Eat more fruit than just apples, bananas, and oranges (mangoes, pineapple, berries, cherries, melons)
*Increase your intake of DHA Omega 3 and 6 fatty acids, this is what your brain is mostly made of.
*She is a proponent for nursing as no formula currently (1999) has any of the fatty acids and LCP's which are deficient in the ADD brain.
* Because our fish is not ocean fresh and our meat is corn fed, this causes our intake of essential fatty acids down 50% of what they were 60 years ago, so buy organic and local as much as possible to ensure natural nutrients.
*Allergies are rampant in individuals with ADD and a natural anti histamine can be found in pine bark and grape seed extract. Taking these will result in increased attention and reduced hyperactivity.

A lot of main points, I know. These are mostly my main points I have taken away from the book. She discusses in depth all her reasons for and studies proving these suggestions will effect the ADD brain. It is good information if you or one in your family has these symptoms or in general for good health. Just don't get too caught up in everything she suggests because living in the world we live in it is virtually impossible to get all the nutrients you need and stay away from all the harmful additives and sugar. I have tried diets and it is way too much work and are drastic changes to our current eating habits. Just be aware and make better and healthier options. I can already say that having eggs and bacon or sausage for breakfast instead of cereal and milk has made many a boy happy at my house, and I'm happy too:)

P.S. We are thinking about raising our own chickens for eggs!

The Dirty Life

The Dirty Life: On Farming, Food, and Love by Kristin Kimball
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Someone lent this book to Jeremy to read a long time ago. One technique I'm using for de-cluttering my house is returning things from my home that don't belong to me back to their actual owners. (Obvious, right?) So I finally sat down to read this so we could return it.

The author tells her story of "city-girl-mets-hippy-farm-boy." Interviewing him on his sustainable farm, and becoming interested in him and his "manly work", eventually hooking up with him and moving to a new area to start a larger farm, and finally get married.

Her boyfriend's vision was a whole-diet farm. So where some local farms will offer the community weekly or bi-weekly baskets of produce for their membership, he wanted to provide everything for the whole diet: milk, meat, eggs, fat, and something sweet like maple syrup, along with a basket of produce. Along with that goal he wanted to run his farm sustainably through using draft horses and renewable energy sources. The author does a good job of not glossing over the tough aspects of starting up a farm from scratch--which are plentiful--without sounding too whiny. And it was interesting to see the progress of how they went about trying to create this farm.

(On a side note, there were two sentences in the book I had a problem with because of their sexual nature, one sentence describing an intimate moment, and one retelling a dirty joke. I really had to ask why they were necessary. Sometimes it really feels like people are trying to prove something through including unnecessary lines like those.)

In terms of philosophy, although I respect the idea of the whole diet-farm, I wonder if it is actually counter-productive to some of the ideals her husband believes in. The cost of the yearly membership to Essex Farm is $3700 for an adult (I looked up their website) and $3300 for a second adult. And for children it is $120 per year of their current age. So for a membership my family would have to pay $8,920 for the year. And yes, it is meant to supply all our food needs, and they let you take all you want to can and preserve extras for the winter etc, but that is $743 dollars a month to feed my family, and next year with the boys a year older it would be an additional $40 dollars a month, or $783 a month.

Where is that money supposed to come from? I'm not saying the food is not worth that much, I believe in paying farmers a good wage, but I'm asking where it is supposed to come from. He detests commercialism, and consumerism, and "the man", and electricity, but for people to afford buying his food they have to go out into the economic world that he claims to be against in order to earn the cash to buy from him. He requires that by the very nature of being a whole diet farm. He leaves no way for people to offset the costs of their membership in a natural, sustainable way. For example, I can't be a dairy farmer, or an orchardist, and earn money from that and just go to his farm for my other produce needs or my meat. I have to go to him for everything, and he wouldn't even be interested in bartering or trading with me, because he does it all. So he requires that all the members have the type of job that pays large amounts of cash in order to support his "sustainable farm".

And along with that he is monopolizing the business from any other small farm farmers in the region. If he offers only one type of membership--a whole diet--and requires such a large fee to do so, then his members will not have money or need, after picking up their food from his farm, to go support any other regional farmers that sell, just eggs and chickens, or similar. Instead, he employs ten full-time farmers working for him on his farm. It seems if he were really so against the commercial system (he only buys second-hand clothes, etc.) that he would be more encouraging of similar choices in others. In which case it would make more sense to perhaps support and be a part of a local network of a number of small farmers in order to provide the whole diet for a membership in the network, rather than just supporting his farm.

Simply, in our family, we raise our own chickens for our egg needs and some of our meat needs, and we keep bees to provide for a major amount of our yearly sweetner-usage. We also do gardening that supplies small amounts of produce for our family. We do these things naturally and chemical-free. We do it because we think it is good for the earth, and it offsets some of our food costs. However, a membership at Essex Farm would be a discouragement from our doing those things since they would be redundant to our farm membership benefits, and increase our yearly food budget even more. Ultimately, if multiple people stopped their small-scale home efforts to just use the farm membership benefits, I feel that is a net loss both to the earth, and the type of sustainability and stewardship mentality that farmers like her husband are trying to promote.

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These is My Words

These Is My Words by Nancy E. Turner
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

"These is My Words" is a historical novel of a girl growing into woman, as a settler in the Arizona Territories. I loved imagining life in my Arizona way back then. And definitely loved the love story of the book. The book is not all roses, however, showing many or the real and heart-breaking struggles of the people of those days.

Some of my favorite quotes:

Sarah referring to her mother said, "She says a move is a time for lightening your load and starting things new." (3) That one just stood out to help motivate me to declutter for our upcoming move!

"Taking up marriage is a good excuse for taking up cursing I think." (248) Sounded good to me, though most of the ladies at book club added, "or having children!"

"Children are a burden to a mother, but not the way a heavy box is to a mule. Our children weigh hard on my heart, and thinking about them growing up honest and healthy, or just living to grow up at all, makes a load in my chest that is bigger than the safe at the bank, and more valuable to me than all the gold inside it." (303) This quote just went along nicely with a train of thought I've been having lately about children being both a blessing and a burden. I was so sad for Sarah, when she talked of her baby girl just crying nonstop, for years.

"It seems there is always a road with bends and forks to choose, and taking one path means you can never take another one. There's no starting over nor undoing the steps I've taken." (309) Sometimes it's hard to look back and wonder what might have turned out differently with different choices, though that type of thinking leads right into the last quote I marked.

"Mama told me to make a special point to remember the best times of my life. There are so many hard things to live through, and latching on to the good things will give you strength to endure, she says." (327) And that is a good enough lesson for all of us.

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My Side of the Mountain

My Side of the Mountain/On the Far Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Just finished reading aloud with Owen. I remember reading it in 5th or 6th grade by myself and loving it. This is a great story about self-reliance, and learning to live off the land. As a child I was fascinated and dreamed of going away to live in my own secret place, eating plants and making my own nature home. I definitely enjoyed reading this book again with Owen, and he enjoyed it as well.

At one point while reading we were looking on the store shelves for a car-washing chamois (shammy) called for in Owen's Wizard Craft book for making a coin pouch. (He's simultaneously been reading Harry Potter.) The chamois at the store was much larger than we needed and therefore more expensive, and so I went to explain to Owen what we might try instead. I said, "What the instructions want is some fabric that looks like leather, so do you know what we could do instead?"

"Kill a deer?!" He said.

So I about died. "Yes, kill a deer." How can I argue with that? If what he learned from this story is that when he needs some leather he can go kill a deer then I am a happy person. Good bye "Made in China", Hello self-reliance!

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Atlas Shrugged

How to even begin a review of a book that is over 1100 pages long?!

This book book follows a young female railroad tycoon, Dagny, as she operates the nation's largest railroad.  She and some of the other main characters who work in industry are seen as greedy and selfish when what they are really trying to do is follow their passions, see their job done "right", and in many cases work in  innovative new ways to improve their industry and the world around them

The story shows her struggles trying to succeed in a country where the social/political atmosphere seeks to shame and work against her and others like her simply because of their success.  The politicians and public think the industrialists should show more concern for "the people", stressing things like equal share and equal opportunity, even though the services they provide are, themselves, providing for the good of the people.

As politicians, and less-motivated industrialists, pass regulations to "even the playing field" a little, for fairness, and "most importantly" to help the good of "the people"--discouraged businesspeople begin simply vanishing--closing up shop and leaving without a trace.

Dagny begins to feel that there is an actual destroyer working against her efforts to succeed--someone coming along collecting the last of the competent and intelligent people left in the country, leaving her with a greater and greater burden to carry on her own to keep the ever-more fragile country running, and eventually posing her with the question of whether or not she is fighting on the right side of the conflict.

This book was fascinating.  It showed how quickly our country can be changed for the worse, by constantly operating in the present and in reactionary attitudes, and most-importantly by punishing those who can help things change for the better.  It was actually a book that I felt pretty "somber" while reading.  There is just so much that goes on that was so frustrating, and discouraging (particularly the things that rang true to the state of our nation right now).

This book had a sub-theme of sexuality that ran through it (written in the 50's, it was pretty mild there were, I think, two paragraphs where I skipped to the end).  But the theme of sexuality was important in the way it was a metaphor for the contradictions existing in the general values and morality of the society as a whole.  This was demonstrated  through their different relationships which served to give a concrete example of the product of their values. This string of quotes between two characters helps describe this view of sexuality. 

"We are those who do not disconnect the values of their minds from the actions of their bodies. . . You knew that the physical desire I was damning as our mutual shame, is neither physical nor an expression of one's body, but the expression of one's mind's deepest values. . . I love you, my dearest, with the deepest passion of my body which comes from the clearest perception of my mind.(pp 859-860)"

This discussion was of a "good" relationship, but these same ideas were shown through a few "bad" relationships as well--that the physical was a manifestation of the person's truest inner values. 

I'm coming to believe that I really appreciate a cognitive discussion on healthy sexuality simply to counteract all the immorality that we are exposed to so frequently.  So I really appreciated the quote of sexuality being "the deepest passion of my body which comes from the clearest perception of my mind".  I really believe that to be true, and what a different view than the worldly idea of sexuality being involuntary physical lusts!

In the end I'll put this book on my "to read again" at some point list.  I enjoyed it and would love to pull out some more quotes from it--the philosophy is fascinating--but that task just seemed a little too daunting the first read through.